DAMN YOU!!

fuck it man..
this is so bloody annoying..
in the morning i got scolded for something very small and my mum makes it inot a big story..
normal it's my mum..
if she doesn't turn the story like as if it's gonna affect the world den it's not her..
she even threw a bloddy cup at me which borke la..
she think it doesn't hurts but it does..
just tt i dun wanna show..
no point cryn=ing or retaliating back at her..
not gonna make any difference to her..
to her, wad ever she say is always right and wadever others say is worng..
damn annoying..
but i wun let her get to me..
wadever she say is not important to me..
and you, idiotic prince masai..
bloody hell make me wait for u the whole entire night for ur stupid call..
but i just receive a stupid msg saying tt ur slpin in early..
and out of the blue, u were at msn..
telling me tt u put urself as offline just so tt this girl ur chatting with wun bother u..
ike wad the hell..
den wad am i here for?
fun? joy? laughter?
shit sia, i always lend myself in this kind of situation..
and i hate it..
tt's y i dun want to fall for a guy..
maybe wad fizah say abt me is true..
god damn it, it's bloody annoying and irritating..
i am gonna make a statement which i think every girl in this world wud agree with me which is:
"NO MATTER HOW SWEET A GUY GETS, THEY ARE JUST NATURALLY BORN IRRITATING AND THE MOST ANNOYING SPECIMENS ON EARTH!"
urgh!!
talking abt it already pisses me off..
stupid piece of shit..
i feel like killing them, but u also need them..
oh well, it's just everyone individual luck on hu gets hu..
and all u lucky ladies out there hu has find their one true love, congrats, hope u and tt guy will last forever..
but for those hu are still seeking(like me) or not thinking abt getting one just yet, all the best in ur search..
maybe i shud open an organisation for women hu has problem with their men..
they can come once or twice per wk and share their problem..
haha, den tt wud be the greatest bitching and gossiping session in the wrold..
get on all the dirts abt these mens..
but wadever it is, i still miss him..
haiz, wad a very sad pathetic story of my life..
here we go once again..



p.s: damn u asshole!!

PRINCE MASAI

i just can't stop thinking abt him..
i really dun wanna blog abt him but i can't help it..
my blog, my life, my story, my problem..
i really dun wanna get myself in the same situation as last time whereby i iike the person but he dun have tt kind of same feelings towards me..
i mean he's different from the rest..
u shud think ya all the guys same or i ended up witht he same type of guys but seriosuly he's different..
he's so sweet, sincere, kind, thoughtful and the most important thing is tt he's very respectful and honest towards me..
he doesn't hides his feeling or emotions towards me..
if he's not happy he tells me..
i really whr am i goin with him..
i dun wanna be lead on again and get myself disappointed..
i noe i'm only 19 and i still got long way to go but still i do need some one special company in my life..
i do wanna have wad the rest of the ppl other feels when they're with tt special someone.
holding their hands, getting a hug or a kiss or just simply enjoying each other presence..
i miss all that kind of feelings..
i really get tt when i was with "him"(no. 3 i think)
but with prince masai it's really different..
every moring he msg me something tt is really sweet tt wud just make my day..
nth can make me angry or upsets me..
like i wud be smiling for the rest of the day just recalling back his msges..
he's like the sweetest thing alife..
but i'm not so sure abt his feelings towards me..
i dunno wadever he says towards me is ture..
but he didn't even msg me the whole day..
i dunno wad he's up to or if he's goin cycling..
oh man, i hate to have this kind of feelings..
but wadever it is, i just wan things to go smoothly but in my life nth will ever go smoothly..
i just want to not havt his stupid loneliness kind of fellin deep down in my heart..
it sucks really big time..
even my younger cuz already has a bf or g or their own..
haiz!!
just my luck..
i'm not picky, just selective abt certains things..
is tt too much of me to ask??


p.s: i really miss him alot.. :(

POISON!!

my words are always so poison towards my family..
everything tt comes out always seems wrong towards them esp my mum..
it is prefectly fine if brother were to say to her." mama GEMUK MCM BABI!!"
but when i say abit tt got to do with brother she gets so fucing angry..
tt is so fucking lame sia..
like wad the hell..
we're ur children dun have to show to us tt u love brother more than u love us..
like we're not 2 yrs old anymore..
malas ah wanna blog abt this..
too lazy to update my blog..

SHITS!!

so many shits has happen to me within the pass few wks..
i've been really upset with so many things but i cover it with my smile and laughter..
only a few ppl noe wad i am feeling and how much i have been crying lately..
but the one i worry most is alep..
he has tumour in his stomach..
initially he didn't tell his mum but told me instead..
so today suppose to go for a check up but he refuses to go..
so doc called and came by to his house..
his mum is crying badly now..
like i really dunno wad else to say to him just so tt he wudn't do stupid things..
he said tt he wants to run away from hm and rather kill himself..
like hello are u bloody insane??
i told him tt he got his family and friends to support him all the way but i dunno wad's goin on in his sick head of his..
he looks so pale an in pain just now..
i can't get him out of my head..
i am just too worried for him..
i really dun want him to spend his life doing nth..
wasting his time doin things tt he will regret..
i wanna be there for him but if he refuses me to come close i really dunno how to help me..
dear god, pls help in this..
i dunno wad else i can do to make things better for him..
i just want him to have a wonderful life ahead of him with his family..
i already got so much on my mind..
i can't take it but i noe tt i can manage it but for how long?
my main concern is him..
he needs me more than anyone else..
i try to be there for him so much as i can and attend to him if i can..
i just hope tt he will get better..
i will pray for him everyday..
he needs all the prayer and well wishes he can get but it also depends if he wants to be treated..
stubborn boy..
HELP ME PLS!!

ESPLANADE ROOF TOP!!

i had such wonderful time at esp roof top..

me, niah and fizah really got nth to do..

we took lame and funny pic..

den last resort, we make our very own video..

whahaha..

we're really tt bored..

and i got no idea wad song i was dancing/ interperting too..

haha..

but fizah and saniah was funny..

half way through reocrding, stupid banglah walk pass with his stupid cleaning trolley..

i had so much fun laughing till my jaw hurts..

we went to marina square pizza hut.

fizah belanja as usual..

tt girl got so much money on her..

but it was damn hilarious la..

and as usual i always make the order for this ppl..

i want all the photo and video tt i made..

i love going out with those 2..

always got stupid things to do..

the cutest thing was tt fizah brought along her tripod stand..

it's damn small and cute..

saniah look a little facinated by it..

haha

normal la si saniah..

but for the first time, she noe how to bring us to the roof top..

usually she is always lost..

she's like the tourist and we're her tour guide..

BY THE WAY, BUSHMEN CAME AND PERFORM AT ITE COLLEGE EAST!!

I LOVE BUSHMEN..

oh my god, they were fucking awesome..

izat really dunno how to appreciate reggae music..

they were fantastic..

mr bassist was damn cute..

mr drummer, was an awesome dummer..

he played till he was breathing hard..

they did an encore..

oh my god, i wud pay any amount to watch them perform again..

they rock the house down man..

i just feel like dancing to their music..

i think they're like the greatest band in s'pore..

okie la, i think i better stop here b4 i go any further talking abt them..

but mr bassist is damn CUTE..

*PEACE OUT*

DEPRESSED SHIT!!

I noe tt i am not suppose to be depressed abt relationship but this things has been haunting me lately..
i can't sleepy properly after a few nights ago..
he is like making me having second thoughts abt him..
i really dunno wad i shud be doing with my life now..
like he keeps on thnkng tt i am still crazy over him but i'm not..
i got no freaking idea hwr in the world he gets tt stupid idea..
did my mail send out to him gave him the worng note..
maybe it does..
but i am seriously not crazy for him..
say only want to meet him today after skul abt 3 plus..
waitied for him still 5 plus..
stupid asshole and didn't even say anything..
swine..
but like i dunno ah..
i sat beside him and talk to him as per normal..
but his shoes looks like bowling shoe..
wahahah..
coz of soccer actually tt's y he came down..
i become the watergirl/ballpicker/P.S.D/massager/cheerleader..
wahaha, i had so many role to do..
coz like they need someone to do all those and they think i'm best for the job..
idiot all this boys, like to make fun of me..
but hey, i love hanging wiht this boys..
always makes me smile and laugh my ass off..
like wad happen btw me, yat, rashid and shahrul..
they are blody hilarious..
i laugh till my jaws were hurting badly..
i can't sit woth them w/o me laughing my ass of..
i just rmbr y am so bloody depressed abt r/s..
it's coz or the movie i watched today at aidil's lap top, ayat-ayat cinta..
oh my god!!
the movie is so bloody touching, fucking romantic..
if only really in real life i got fahir as my husband..
i am willing to change for the better and live happily with him..
but knowing tt 3 other girls are also in love with the same guy it hurt..
aisha is such a wonderful, strong and loyal wife towards fahir..
for those hu hasn't watch the show yet, pls i recommed u to watch it..
it's such an awesome and amazing show..
coz of tt show it makes me realise how important it is to find ut soulmate but it lies in the hands of ALLAH..
u can't force or rush or defy him on the plans tt he has already made for u..
all u have to do is to face it straight on and decide if u wanna take up the challenge or not..
oh well, life still goes on for me and taking it slowly even though it hurts to see things or knowing something ard u..
tt's just me, hope everyone else will have a happy life with their love ones..
*crying on the inside*

RELATIONSHIP

i am still wondering hu will be my future bf/husband/soulmate..
coz this is wad been discuss between me, farahin and galvin..
for all u single ppl out there, dun u ever wonder hu will be ur future gf/bf?
dun u ever wonder how he or she looks like..
are they gonna be fat, slim, tall, short, fair, tan, drunkard looking, charming?
u alwasy have this so called dream guy or girl but do u ever wonder if u can ever find ur so called "mr perfect"?
every r/s tt u have fallen out is a lesson learn and from there u can start picking out the good points and the bad points of someone..
and u too can start forming the ideal guy/girl of ur dream..
so by picking out one or two positive and negative points of a person and try forming ur dream guy/girl..
an pls tell u if u found them..
maybe u can give me ur secret on how u find them or did u just realsie it instantly when ur eyes met each other for the first time..
honestly i am the very old skul kinda girl. whr the guy has to make the first move..
not me, i'm just too shy when it comes to this kind of things..
dun have the courage at all to even ask for his no..
talkin to him is another problem..
i will blush alot and get tongue tied..
like i dunno wad ot talk to him..
my palms start to sweat, i'll constantly touch my hair and i'll look else whr instead of him when i talk to him..
coz i get damn bloody nervous and frighten and shy..
eventhough ppl noe me as the super loud, noisy, no shy kind of girl..
but when it comes to the guy i really like tt's just how i am..
pelik tapi bernah..
i dun even noe if the spelling is correct..
haha, malay sucks..
so to all u single ppl out there, dun fret on this kind of things..
it's all in ur mind..
dun let ur mind take control over u..
learn how to fight it when u feel the urge on doing something..
if u think tt ur alone and there's no one out there for u and u feel like ur dying, slap urself in the face and say, "i am not weak w/o a guy/girl in my life, i got family and friends hu love me and shall live normally w/o any r/s to control me"
and all u women, hu are independent, throw ut=r hands above me..
haha, mcm pernah dgr je line tu..
wahahaha..
lame sia me..
but it is true, i dun need men to control my life..
acutally i hate being control by men..
i am a very strong independent woman hu dun need men to make me feel secure, safe, comfortable or need to have the urge of haivng someone to keep me company coz i got all those form my very own family and friends..
these ppl love me for hu i am and not they want me to be..
coz if u think u can change me to be someone tt i am not, ur so bloody worng..
i will nvr change for u, just so tt u can have and lead a happy life..
if the changes is for my own good den i will, if not boleh kirim salam sua..
i'll do the opposite of wad u want me to be..
i wun be the fool tt i used to be..
i got a brain of my own and i noe how to use it..
so u got no bloody damn right to tell me wad to do and wad i shud do.
coz i'll nvr listen to u..
okie i think today is my first and officially the longest entry ever..
haha, i can't believe it..
relationship has many and millions defination to many ppl..
but for me, now is just not the right time for me..
relationship is a big committment for me and i need time for it..
as of now, i'll enjoy my singlehood life till it last..
SINGLEHOOD LIFE ROCKS!!



p.s; i still love u k fizah even if i say all tt.. i noe u understand me..

FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN!!

oh my god, i had such a wonerful time with him..

but i must admit tt i am very tired now..

he is so funny man..

it's been awhile since i met him or even spend my time with him..

coz he is always so busy with his problem tt he fgot no time to msg or call me..

but lately he has been msging me and calling me..

it's nice meeting him and a wonderful thing tt we shared..

haiz!!

oh i show u my tattoo tt i got ytd..

hehe, poor zat, bite me just now coz of the tattoo..

wahaha..

isn't it nice..

i really love it..

makes me wanna have a real tattoo but i dun think so it's possible..

not only will my faimly kill me and disowned me, zat too will kill me..

no worries i'll do wad's right for myself..

overall, i had a wonderful time with him eventhough it was tiring and only he will noe y..

hehe..

*peace out*

p.s: last round was the best.. *winks*

i just can't stop

i just can't stop eating..
haha, hu cares right..
i think the food is all goin down to my ass..
it's getting bigger, ppl say so ah..
and my boobs i tink it's also getting bigger..
haha, y am i even discussing this on my blog?
lame sia me..
but today went to wild2 wet with my family..
my daddy's company ade family day..
only me and mamas went for the swim..
oh my god, the weather was superb for a tan..
very hot..
didn't even rain, allhumdulliah..
den i did air spray tattoo at my ankle..
haha, and izat got punk'd..
he acutally believe tt i got a tattoo for real..
boy was he angry when he tot i had myself a tattoo..
like he said,"i sendiri yang main baju tak ade tattoo, i ingat kan u such a nice girl tapi ade tatoo, i am so disappointed in u.. i fucking hae girls with tattoo, dun u ever talk to me again."
wahahahaha..
but i am glad to noe tt he is gonna stop main baju..
dunno wad he's gonna do to get out..
tt idiot acutally called me and make me swear if i really got a tattoo..
den i can't just swear like tt coz it be a very big sin to just swear..
so he was like, "oh my god, dun tell me u play a prank on me.. babi sia u, babi ah, tak baik sey, u totally make me lose my mood to work.. i ingat kan u betul2 buat tattoo, u kat mane skrg, i turon sane gigit u baru tau."
muahahaha *evil laughter*
oh my god, i had a good laugh after all he is always pulling a prank on me so this time i got him back good..
but i really want to meet him tmr..
i really miss him alot man..
okie nvrmx, tmr end skul at 12, i dunno wad i'll be doing after tt..
if not goin out with friends, maybe gi lepak kat sc rm ah..
update u soon if anymore stories occurs..
*peace out*

BLANK

hello!!
i got nth much to blog actually..
my life has been good so far..
but i am goin out tmr with my gf to study..
haha, i dunno if we really are studying..
with them is a bit hard to study..
need to plan wad to wear..
see ya soon..

MEMORY CARD ADAPTER!!

i badly need a memory card adapter..
i can't upload my investiture photo at all coz my lappy can't read my memory card..
shit la..
well today nth much happen..
suppose to stay back and do my accpac but stupid ms tan didn't even tell me wad to do and she wasn't even there at the calss todirest me..
stupid bitch..
i think she starting to see mine, saniah and fizah true colours..
she like treating us diferently than normally the way she treats us..
ahaha..
but hu the hell cares..
can always copy paste the work..
i got back hm abt 1 plus and the first thing i did was to disturb my mum from her sleep..
hehehehehe..
den i ate my lunch, which was instant mee poh dry noodles..
after lunch, went off the bed straight..
wah, it felt like heaven to me..
i selpt from 1.45 till like almost 5..
didn't want to wake up..
the weather was awesome..
oh ya, forgotten to tell u tt izat msg me first..
i got bloody shocked..
i'm not really sure if he really went back hm den go out again to lepak or he realy went back hm and sleep..
oh hu cares right..
he says tt he miss me..
aaawww isn't tt sweet..
my ass ah..
i dun really care tt much any more..
i'm just living my life normally like the way i always have w/o any guilt or wad so ever..
but i do wanna feel the presence of someone special in my life..
it can get kinda lonely sometimes..
when like ur all alone and looking at all the couple being happy and loving towards one another..
it sucks but life still continues..
but i do hope to find the right one..


p.s: dun dare to make me change the way i feel towards u now..

this is wad i wore for my investiture informal part..

haha, make up and hair is all done by kazsim..

credits goes to him coz ppl say i look pretty and sexy with my black stocking..

haha, yes i wore stocking..

sayfiq said tt i look sexy..

like oh my, i'm sexy, oh thank u, thank u..

hehehe..

at last investiture is over..

i got a lot of my investiture photo tt has been uploaded yet coz i dun have memory card adapter..

my stupid lappy can't read my camera memory card reader..

den i will show u guys the 3 greatest shuffler on earth, syafie'e, micheal and fady..

i took photo with them indivually and as a group..

micheal is super cute and nice..

he got six pack and not shy to show it off, syafie'e i noe him since blaze camp but fady his a sweet heart..

even if i talk to micheal more and he always disturbing me, fady is still nicer..

he is the kind of guy hu can maki girls and i dun mind..

coz he dun hide anything..

sat with him after invesititure at the forum, drank all this water..

damn thirsty..

poor thing he sits alone..

micheal was with his gf, pie'e was with his friend so i layan fady la..

nice knowing him..

but i didn't ask for his no..

damn miss out on a good guy..

wahahah..

i hope to get his no from somewhr, maybe from suhaimi..

but need to make sure tt he is single..

ade gf, le kirim salam..

eeeww, i sound like minah, can slap my face..

*piak*

hahah, is this entry very long?

i dun think so la..

i noe others can have even longer entry than mine..

i still think mine is acceptable..

once i find tt memory card adapter, i shall upload the pic and show tot he whole world my pic with the shufflers..

i tell u u is fady, not good looking but cute enuf for me..

wear specs some more and can carry off the belbottom jeans..

i miss hanging out with them..

they are funny bunch of ppl..

oh well, all the best for mine and their future..

shit tmr need to stay back to catch up on my accpac..

FUCKING CB!!

p.s: u make me worry sick for but it nvr once everr paid being nice to u, u ungreatful son of a bitch.. i'm enjoying life without knowing tt i'm not hurting anyone or having restriction.. my life, my rules, my own problem.. and u bloody hell noe tt u can't stop me from doing wadever i want..

INVIESITURE!!

tmr shall be my last official day being project ex-co..
den after tmr i'll be like super free..
i dunno wad i'll be doing after skul everyday..
i mean i used to lepak at sc rm after skul, sit, watch tv, play games, hang out with the sc ppl..
now tt my office term is gonna be over i think i'll be lost..
no more reason for me to skip class..
oh man, just now when a few of us stayed back in skul, i feel like crying..
the things we alk abt, the bond we had, the memories, the fight, the laughter, the tears, the anger, the everything tt we all had go through will be over..
it is so fast tt my office term is over..
i can still rmbr my time..
and untill now i rmbr wad desmond tells me,"ur the only one tt i trurst to take care of project, so promise me tt u will take care of project and bring it to another level"
those words still lingers in my head..
i dunno wad's gonna happen to the 5th batch of sc..
i mean u have to give them time to let them settle..
i can't slp coz i am very scared abt investiture..
afarid tt i'll wake up late..
afarid the show wudn't be a great one..
my heart beats fast knowing tt the time is coming soon..
i think i'll cry like a small girl..
knowing how sweet all my project babies ah..
i love them alot..
they're the one hu males me laugh,cry, angry, stress and even the ones hu make me fell ill..
but i really do hope the new batch can work together..
they're still new and has lots of things to learn..
slowly but surely they can pull through all the difficult times together as one big happy sc family..
but wadever it is, i'm always herefor them if they need my help in anyways..
but dunno if they wud even rmbr me or even come to me and ask for help..
it's getting late and i need to be in skul early..
so i guess i better slp now and get a good nights rest..
all the best for investiture SC!!


p.s: i just got my bloody period and it's hurting me badly, sucks man..wrong timing..

FOOD = LIFE!!

everytime i eat food, i feel so happy yet at the same time guilty..
this is wad i call GUILTY PLEASSURE..
but hu can resist good food..
so before i start going back to gym starting next, i will whacked any food there is i can grab..
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!
i wanna tonn my body up..
wanat to slim down a little, build up a few muscle here and there..
tighten my butt and flatten my tummy and i'll be one hot sexy mama..
wahaha, ya right..
den now currently i just started using coslab cosmetic..
it cost me and my sister $187..
well, we really hope tt it will make my face be more pimple free and oil free..
plus have a flawless skin..
no make up is needed for me to impress guys..
coz i really believe in natural beauty..
and if guys really like me for hu i am, i must thank them..
but if they like me coz i wear make up den i dun think i'm suitable for him..
ala, y can't guys just take girls hu has natural beauty and see the inside not the outside..
must i dress to impress?
i am not like those typical young kids hu must dress to impress and attact attention..
kids this days..
oh well, i will always be myself, coz no point changing for someone else when ur not comfortable being in ur own skin..
this wk is gonna be such a hectic wk..
coz it's investiture wk and i so can't wait till it's over..
once it's over, going back to gym, jog and take care of my face..
once i'm all pretty, i will show it to the world and see hu will come back and beg me to be their gf..
wahahaha..
dlm mimpi ah..



p.s: i dun need u to make me feel whole agaain..

IT IS SO OVER!!

finally i find out the truth on his inention..
his friend actually told me..
he said tt he only likes me as a friend..
coz i'm his "BEST FRIEND" and tt love can't be forced..
hu in the world is forcing u to be in love with me stupid..
the saddess part is tt i dun even feel so sad or upset or feel shity..
coz maybe i have gone through too many rejection and being made used off..
so now i dun even feel nth..
i just feel like myself..
happy, stress just feel me..
and i thank all u guys out there hu has made me into stronger and more independent girl tt i am today..
so now my life is back to normal..
i will continue dating more guys and pick hu is the best among the crowd..
wahahah, jahat eh..
no la i dun use guys a spare tyres like some girls wud..
well till now i'm not gonna find anyone and even if tt someone come and find me,
i wun want myself to land in the same kind of situation as i always did..
which is to be made use off or cheated or being rejected..
oh well, tt's just my very dramatic yet happening life of mine..
dun want to change any part of it even if i cud..
now it's time for let my hair down and PARTY!!
going out to study tmr and for the first time ever trying to understand cash flow..
wahahaha..



p.s: i can't totally stop myself from liking u, but i will slowly yet happily move on and continue with my life.. tt's a promise..

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!

oh my god, i really ate alot today..
morning when i came to skul and suppose to have a vidoe shoot but last min cancelled..
but thank god there was a lunch time performance..
so while watching the performance, went to cafe 2 bought hotdog and popcorn chicken..
sheik aka taufik has a voice of an angel..
when he sings, it sent cold sweat down my spine..
he's so melodic..
after being mesmerise by his voice, went up to sac, watch main huum na..
first time watch an hindustan movie and enjoy it alot..
it's so funny yet sad at the same time..
den after watching it, went to eat at cafe 2..
ate mee bakso..
it tasted like crap..
mama mask lagi mulia..
wahaha..
saw farhan while eating at cafe 2..
he look so pissed maybe his just tired..
only left with 44 more days to his competition..
tt boy complain tt he doesn't have the confident in himself..
haven't even start the competition and he says all tt..
i understand wad he has to go through coz of my brother..
alot of sacrifies needs to be done..
he packed himself, chicken breast and brocolli..
eeww, tt is like the most disgusting food combo ever..
the chicken is totally plain, no marination..
i look at the food makes me wanna vomit..
coz i see my bro eating it almost everyday..
but brocolli?!?!?!
i wud rather die den eat brocolli or any other veggie..
talkin abt veggie, i had dinner at habbibi seafood restaurant..
oh man, i wacked alot and didn't feel like vomiting..
ate, tom yum soup, kang kong sambal belacan, black pepper beef, ikan bakar and hot plate beancurd..
food tasted like heaven..
so awesome..
actually plan on not eating alot, but the food was to good to be resisited..
i think i shud stop eating alot..
but if it happens once in awhile it's perfectly fine..
coz after 6th nov, i'll be starting to go back to gym.
i wanna work out and have a healthier life w/o sc stressing up my life..
now i only left with skul and my band to stress abt..
the rest i can just relax..
but studies must come first..
ooo, i wonder wad i'm gonna eat tmr??
hmm, suddenly feel hungry but wun eat..
it's late already..
oh ya almost forgotten tt i bought creamy pasta for myself and younger brother..
been wanting to have creamy pasta..
and ytd i ate MAC & CHEESE!!
I LOVE MAC & CHESESE!!
I LOVE ANYTHING CHEESE!!




P.S: he called me first so now i'm gonna stay alittle while longer and see how it goes..
i can't stop myself from falling for you..

RRANDOM THOUGHTS

"tak ingin ku melepaskan mu" is a very strong sentence in my life now..
coz i realsise tt i gave up to many guys in my life for a girl hu likes the same guy as i do..
i mean i'm not trying to be selfish or anything but i have always give in to other girls..
now i am trying not to give in easily..
i will hold on as long as i can till i get wad i want..
but i wun do nasty things to get it..
so i will fight for wad's mine..
but i'm not so sure abt him..
i duno wad's his feelings towards me..
i dunno how much more can i tolerate not knowing anything abt his feelings towards me..
it's sucks not knowing nth..
it makes me feel lost and confused..
i just dun wanna let go w/o knowing the other party's feeling..
y is it so unfair to me when it comes to liking or falling in love with someone..
it always gets so complicated..
bloody annoying..
like i feel there's something different in him now ever since he gets back from bintan..
maybe it's true abt him and tt girl..
but i dun want to think negatively..
coz it makes me feel sick in the stomach and feel like vomiting..
but if i really is true, den i have to just back away..
i can't stop someone from having feelings for the other person..
but i am praying hard tt it is so not true..
coz if it's true, den i'll really be HEARTBROKEN..
den he has broken his promise tt he has made to brahim..
so i will take things slowly dun wanna rush things to make him hate me or wadever..
coz today i went out with fizah to print out the stupid bookmark..
so we went shopping coz i was feeling super stress..
den i bought myself a 3/4 pants..
and i bought for him a cap..
i really didn't noe wad cap or hat to get him..
but when i went o ministry of clothing i saw a cap tt totally screams his name..
so i bought it for him..
i really do hope he appraciate it..
coz it come from the bottom of my heart..
and it's gift of appreciation from me to him for all the wonderful time and memories we had together..
only he noes wad i mean by tt..
hehehe..
i dunno when he gonna meet him so tt i can pass to him his cap..
coz if he wun meet me, i will not pass it to him..
so i am really hoping tt i can just spend one day with him..
i really miss him alot since he left for bintan till now..
but nvrmx must take things slowly..
i will update more random things now..
maybe tmr abt food or clothes or minah or mat or wadever..
something tt will make me laugh abt..


p.s: i miss u too much already..

INVESTITURE REHEARSAL

today i did my high element..
i was scared i can't deny it but i was glad tt i did it fast..
but it just made my ankle worst..
especially the log..
it was so wobbly tt it hurt my ankle..
so it's swollen back again..
suppose to have lunch with bul but he woke up late..
so bloody annoying sia, but wad to do right..
so i met him in skul still and ate lunch at c1..
haha, it was so funny lookng at all the girls reaction when i walk in with him..
they all damn suprised and shocked..
haha, like i got a hot guy walking beside me and u dun..
after eating lunch with him when for rehearsal..
like oh my god..
it was bloody hot inside the auditorium..
no air-con..
stupid management wanna safe money, so no air-con..
was dying inside the audi..
still can play catching with saiful..
den it was so bloody hot tt i got a very bad headache and felt like vomiting..
i dunno wad's wrong with me..
i keep on vomiting every night and having headache every morning..
maybe i'm just bloody tired..
kamsani says i'm getting skinner..
i think he's blind..
hahaha..
next thurs will be a full day for me..
2 video shoots to do plus rehearsal..
argh!!
i seriously damn tired already..
counting down the days till investiture..



p.s: i like u still but u make me wanna give up hope on u..
dear god, pls show me a sign..

SECRETS OUT!!

it's official tt he noes tt i like him alot..

coz thanks to brahim now he noes how i feel..

coz tt idiot let him read all of my msges tt i send to him..

he is such an asshole.

but eventualy he will find out sooner or later right..

well, now i dunnow hows my situation with him..

but i just wanna take it slowly..

but now he's not tt angry with me tt easily..

he treats me nicer and all..

coz brahim told him not to scold me and not to break my heart..

ya the only reason y he wun break my heart is tt nth will happen to the both of us..

it's as simple as tt..

the answer is right infront of me..

it's so obvious..

but he still doesn't noe tt i am gonna meet bul tmr..

aiya, wadevr happens, happens so i must tell him..

well, i dun want our freindship to be wrecked coz of this stuipid, "i am falling for u" thingy..

too much drama in my life already..

maybe my sister is right..

i shud just date guys nth serious..

coz i'm still young and have alot of time ahead of me to find my soul mate..

well, i think i'm taking things one step at a time..

wanna see my progress between me and him goes..

if something does happen i will be the happiest girl on earth, but if nth does, den i leave it all up to fate..

u can't really change ur destiny coz god plans everything for u..

may god gives me the strength to continue with my dramatic life..

i love god..

okie tt's random..

p.s: i still miss him alot..

took pic with my sister at fullerton hotel underpass ytd..

EMPTY!!

his back in s'pore but makes no differences to me..
like his not even msging or calling me..
the only one hu is concern abt me is brahim, afiq and falah..
they the one hu regularly ask me if i'm feeling okie, taken my medicine or ask abt my mum..
they are very sweet ppl..
i am totaly giving up hope on him..
coz like no difference if i out in amm my hopes and dreams on him..
i dun wanna think abt this anymore..
makes me feel so sad and disappointed..
but i am looking forward to meet bul on tues..
goin out on a date with him for dinner..
plus i am riding his bike..
ginna feels his abs and all..
aaaahhhhh..
he is such a hot stuff..
i hope this wud make him jealous..
hehe..
can;t wait o see bul..

YOUR COMING BACK HOME!!

YEAH!!

he is coming back hm tmr..

i really can't wait for him to come back..

i kept my promise of not talkin to brahim on the phone..
brahim wanted to call me last night but i made some

excuses so i wun talk to him..

hehehe..

but tt nabilah bitch is getting on my nerve..

idham da tergiler-giler kan si pompan sial tu..

tak tau ape ilmu dier da kai kat jantan bodoh tu..

eh y am i even talkin abt them..
he's coming back and i shud be happy right not angry..

mcm nak jumpe dier tu kan bskk..
hehe, nak hug and kiss dier..

hehehe..

tak malu nadz..

finally i got janji2 mu song in my mp3 and phone..

can listen to it as many time as i want w/o my sister saying anything..

well, just now went for a kenduri and i wear tudung..

ala ramai org kate i look manis or pretty..
ala mmg da manis pun..
hahaha, tak malu sia..
i already upload the pic to friendster and just wanna see ppl reaction..

hehehe...

p.s: i want him back hm fast..