GRADUATION

oh my god, graduation is coming up soon and i got nothing to wear..
i am freaking out right now..
not only hvae i got nth to wear, i got o idea wad to wear also..
i am seriously freaking out soon..
graduation is like in a wks time or so..
and i haven't figure out if i shud wear a high-waisted skirt with a top or a long sleek black pants with a blouse and high heels..
i nvr knew tt going for graduation can be so stressful..
okie la i lready went through it during my sec sch graduation..
tt one was simple coz the theme was white..
but this is office wear..
so must wear nice2..
must show tt i ma pretty..
wahahaha, wad the hell..
hmm, shud bring mama out for shoppoing but on this weekend..
i'll be working at a maternity shop and vivo..
i dun mind working there but the travelling expenses is not cheap at all..
this is so stressful man..
headache..
must stop up $20..
hope i can get a part time job there..
oh ytd shahcalled me up and said tt there's a big news abt our camp company soi am hoping it' s a good thing..
i can't slp properly last night..
i dreamt tt fadillah was with hazrul..
haha, tt was funny..
think NADZIRAH think on wad u want to wear..
so at least went to go out shopping i already the things to buy in my head and i wun buy unneccessary things tt is not important..
plus i'm in office now,so i can cheack online on wad office can i wear..
ooo, boss not in and my work ins done..
yeah, smart nadzirah..
haha, i sound like a crazy woman talking to myself..

LONELINESS!!

as u all noe tt i nvr really bother abt me being single and not having bf and all..
but lately i am feeling super lonely on the inside..
i nvr felt like this ever b4..
like everywhr i go, i am surrounded by ppl hu are in love..
wad can i do abt it?
i can only look and stare and be jealous abt it..
even the fattest guy tt i noe hu is hidayat found someone to love..
wad abt me??
dun anyone wants me??
fuck it i sound so desperate..
even my sister say this to me,"ur just not the type of committed kind of girl u dun noe how to stick to one guy, u will jump to different guys."
wah, ur very own sister saying tt, i am damn hurt, but i just kept quiet..
i did nth, just kept quiet..
i am no longer in my teenage life, tt life is over..
i am turning 20 and i dun want to be wasting my time changing bf like i am changing my underwear..
maybe it"s just not my time yet..
so now, i just have to get myself into to move on everyday with the life of love birds ard me everyday..
FUCK IT!!


p.s: i am living in a pit hole!!

DEPRESSED!!

tell me hu wudn't be envious of those hu acutally gets into poly?
i noe i ma but i can control it..
but i just can't stand my aunt's and uncle's from my dad side..
there are the most annoying species creatures on earth..
they keep on asking me y i didn't manage to get into poly, or y i must scarifise my studies for my sister or do i regret not getting into poly..
wad's there ot regret abt..
if it's not meant to be urs, den it just isn't..
they are not in my position so they dun understand wad am i going through..
not everyone is fortunate enough to have parets to be able to pay for their skul fees..
i dun want to be using my daddy's CPF..
i am not stupid..
i dun want to use my daddy CPF, coz i noe i have to pay back his CPF once i start skuling..
plus my daddy's is old and i think by the time his CPF comes out, i rather let him use the money to send him to Haj
i think tt wud be the greatest gift for my parents..
i noe certain shildren dun think abt all this, but it has always been my parents drream and wish and hope of going there one day..
money nvr drops from the sky..
u have to earn it, to feel the reward..
but now, even to find a job is hard..
ppl say it's best to study now, but whr is my daddy suppose to find money..
he is already paying for my sister uni fees which cost him abt 3k plus every 6 mth..
i have a heart and i dun feel right if i were to go and continue studying..
but at the same time i, myself is deprovong myself from having a futher education..
wad am i suppose to do???
i am so lost..
i dunno wad i shud be doing..
shud i work?
shud i study?
shub i be working and studying at the same time??
haiz. god only noes wad i be doing next..
i feel so lost and lonely now..
i feel ike i have no one to turn too other than u my bloggie..
i hate all this stupid feelings..
plus it getting a toll on my body..
i am falling ill..
my thorat hurts like hell and i sound like a FUCKING GAY!!
stupid cough is making my vioice sounds like fuck..
well, i just hope my life will get straighten out soon..
it's really making my life a living hell..



p.s: i saw my eye candy today and his name is Zul, thanks to yat hu noes him.. but just found out tt his a playboy.. dunno how true, but i do want to get to tnoe him, but i am to shy to be making any first move, i noe all my friends can help me, but i dun want to die of embrassment infront of him or when i meet him.. BTW, he's handicapped.. but fucking good looking and damn nice smelling..hahah, i sound sick..

it's been long

it's been really long, abt one mth lus since u updated my blog..
haha, i just dun have the time or energy or i just totally to update it..
well, just to summarise my life now..
i am becoming acamp instructor and i just got back from a 5D4N camp..
i am totally damn tired and sleeply, i cna slp anywhr i want to nowdays..
i got both my ite and poly result..
pass my ite but didn't manage to get into poly..
it's totally fine, i dun feel upset or anything..
i just to start looking for a private dip in either business admin or early childhood..
currently jobless, am finding a job now..
so tt's it..
tt's y life now..
i think i will nvr get myself a bf till i turn 21 or older..
it sounds random but wad the hell..
i just flirt with any guy tt i want and rnjoy it while it still last..


p.s; this is the sad story of my life..