DEPRESSED!!

tell me hu wudn't be envious of those hu acutally gets into poly?
i noe i ma but i can control it..
but i just can't stand my aunt's and uncle's from my dad side..
there are the most annoying species creatures on earth..
they keep on asking me y i didn't manage to get into poly, or y i must scarifise my studies for my sister or do i regret not getting into poly..
wad's there ot regret abt..
if it's not meant to be urs, den it just isn't..
they are not in my position so they dun understand wad am i going through..
not everyone is fortunate enough to have parets to be able to pay for their skul fees..
i dun want to be using my daddy's CPF..
i am not stupid..
i dun want to use my daddy CPF, coz i noe i have to pay back his CPF once i start skuling..
plus my daddy's is old and i think by the time his CPF comes out, i rather let him use the money to send him to Haj
i think tt wud be the greatest gift for my parents..
i noe certain shildren dun think abt all this, but it has always been my parents drream and wish and hope of going there one day..
money nvr drops from the sky..
u have to earn it, to feel the reward..
but now, even to find a job is hard..
ppl say it's best to study now, but whr is my daddy suppose to find money..
he is already paying for my sister uni fees which cost him abt 3k plus every 6 mth..
i have a heart and i dun feel right if i were to go and continue studying..
but at the same time i, myself is deprovong myself from having a futher education..
wad am i suppose to do???
i am so lost..
i dunno wad i shud be doing..
shud i work?
shud i study?
shub i be working and studying at the same time??
haiz. god only noes wad i be doing next..
i feel so lost and lonely now..
i feel ike i have no one to turn too other than u my bloggie..
i hate all this stupid feelings..
plus it getting a toll on my body..
i am falling ill..
my thorat hurts like hell and i sound like a FUCKING GAY!!
stupid cough is making my vioice sounds like fuck..
well, i just hope my life will get straighten out soon..
it's really making my life a living hell..



p.s: i saw my eye candy today and his name is Zul, thanks to yat hu noes him.. but just found out tt his a playboy.. dunno how true, but i do want to get to tnoe him, but i am to shy to be making any first move, i noe all my friends can help me, but i dun want to die of embrassment infront of him or when i meet him.. BTW, he's handicapped.. but fucking good looking and damn nice smelling..hahah, i sound sick..