SHITS!!

so many shits has happen to me within the pass few wks..
i've been really upset with so many things but i cover it with my smile and laughter..
only a few ppl noe wad i am feeling and how much i have been crying lately..
but the one i worry most is alep..
he has tumour in his stomach..
initially he didn't tell his mum but told me instead..
so today suppose to go for a check up but he refuses to go..
so doc called and came by to his house..
his mum is crying badly now..
like i really dunno wad else to say to him just so tt he wudn't do stupid things..
he said tt he wants to run away from hm and rather kill himself..
like hello are u bloody insane??
i told him tt he got his family and friends to support him all the way but i dunno wad's goin on in his sick head of his..
he looks so pale an in pain just now..
i can't get him out of my head..
i am just too worried for him..
i really dun want him to spend his life doing nth..
wasting his time doin things tt he will regret..
i wanna be there for him but if he refuses me to come close i really dunno how to help me..
dear god, pls help in this..
i dunno wad else i can do to make things better for him..
i just want him to have a wonderful life ahead of him with his family..
i already got so much on my mind..
i can't take it but i noe tt i can manage it but for how long?
my main concern is him..
he needs me more than anyone else..
i try to be there for him so much as i can and attend to him if i can..
i just hope tt he will get better..
i will pray for him everyday..
he needs all the prayer and well wishes he can get but it also depends if he wants to be treated..
stubborn boy..
HELP ME PLS!!

ESPLANADE ROOF TOP!!

i had such wonderful time at esp roof top..

me, niah and fizah really got nth to do..

we took lame and funny pic..

den last resort, we make our very own video..

whahaha..

we're really tt bored..

and i got no idea wad song i was dancing/ interperting too..

haha..

but fizah and saniah was funny..

half way through reocrding, stupid banglah walk pass with his stupid cleaning trolley..

i had so much fun laughing till my jaw hurts..

we went to marina square pizza hut.

fizah belanja as usual..

tt girl got so much money on her..

but it was damn hilarious la..

and as usual i always make the order for this ppl..

i want all the photo and video tt i made..

i love going out with those 2..

always got stupid things to do..

the cutest thing was tt fizah brought along her tripod stand..

it's damn small and cute..

saniah look a little facinated by it..

haha

normal la si saniah..

but for the first time, she noe how to bring us to the roof top..

usually she is always lost..

she's like the tourist and we're her tour guide..

BY THE WAY, BUSHMEN CAME AND PERFORM AT ITE COLLEGE EAST!!

I LOVE BUSHMEN..

oh my god, they were fucking awesome..

izat really dunno how to appreciate reggae music..

they were fantastic..

mr bassist was damn cute..

mr drummer, was an awesome dummer..

he played till he was breathing hard..

they did an encore..

oh my god, i wud pay any amount to watch them perform again..

they rock the house down man..

i just feel like dancing to their music..

i think they're like the greatest band in s'pore..

okie la, i think i better stop here b4 i go any further talking abt them..

but mr bassist is damn CUTE..

*PEACE OUT*

DEPRESSED SHIT!!

I noe tt i am not suppose to be depressed abt relationship but this things has been haunting me lately..
i can't sleepy properly after a few nights ago..
he is like making me having second thoughts abt him..
i really dunno wad i shud be doing with my life now..
like he keeps on thnkng tt i am still crazy over him but i'm not..
i got no freaking idea hwr in the world he gets tt stupid idea..
did my mail send out to him gave him the worng note..
maybe it does..
but i am seriously not crazy for him..
say only want to meet him today after skul abt 3 plus..
waitied for him still 5 plus..
stupid asshole and didn't even say anything..
swine..
but like i dunno ah..
i sat beside him and talk to him as per normal..
but his shoes looks like bowling shoe..
wahahah..
coz of soccer actually tt's y he came down..
i become the watergirl/ballpicker/P.S.D/massager/cheerleader..
wahaha, i had so many role to do..
coz like they need someone to do all those and they think i'm best for the job..
idiot all this boys, like to make fun of me..
but hey, i love hanging wiht this boys..
always makes me smile and laugh my ass off..
like wad happen btw me, yat, rashid and shahrul..
they are blody hilarious..
i laugh till my jaws were hurting badly..
i can't sit woth them w/o me laughing my ass of..
i just rmbr y am so bloody depressed abt r/s..
it's coz or the movie i watched today at aidil's lap top, ayat-ayat cinta..
oh my god!!
the movie is so bloody touching, fucking romantic..
if only really in real life i got fahir as my husband..
i am willing to change for the better and live happily with him..
but knowing tt 3 other girls are also in love with the same guy it hurt..
aisha is such a wonderful, strong and loyal wife towards fahir..
for those hu hasn't watch the show yet, pls i recommed u to watch it..
it's such an awesome and amazing show..
coz of tt show it makes me realise how important it is to find ut soulmate but it lies in the hands of ALLAH..
u can't force or rush or defy him on the plans tt he has already made for u..
all u have to do is to face it straight on and decide if u wanna take up the challenge or not..
oh well, life still goes on for me and taking it slowly even though it hurts to see things or knowing something ard u..
tt's just me, hope everyone else will have a happy life with their love ones..
*crying on the inside*

RELATIONSHIP

i am still wondering hu will be my future bf/husband/soulmate..
coz this is wad been discuss between me, farahin and galvin..
for all u single ppl out there, dun u ever wonder hu will be ur future gf/bf?
dun u ever wonder how he or she looks like..
are they gonna be fat, slim, tall, short, fair, tan, drunkard looking, charming?
u alwasy have this so called dream guy or girl but do u ever wonder if u can ever find ur so called "mr perfect"?
every r/s tt u have fallen out is a lesson learn and from there u can start picking out the good points and the bad points of someone..
and u too can start forming the ideal guy/girl of ur dream..
so by picking out one or two positive and negative points of a person and try forming ur dream guy/girl..
an pls tell u if u found them..
maybe u can give me ur secret on how u find them or did u just realsie it instantly when ur eyes met each other for the first time..
honestly i am the very old skul kinda girl. whr the guy has to make the first move..
not me, i'm just too shy when it comes to this kind of things..
dun have the courage at all to even ask for his no..
talkin to him is another problem..
i will blush alot and get tongue tied..
like i dunno wad ot talk to him..
my palms start to sweat, i'll constantly touch my hair and i'll look else whr instead of him when i talk to him..
coz i get damn bloody nervous and frighten and shy..
eventhough ppl noe me as the super loud, noisy, no shy kind of girl..
but when it comes to the guy i really like tt's just how i am..
pelik tapi bernah..
i dun even noe if the spelling is correct..
haha, malay sucks..
so to all u single ppl out there, dun fret on this kind of things..
it's all in ur mind..
dun let ur mind take control over u..
learn how to fight it when u feel the urge on doing something..
if u think tt ur alone and there's no one out there for u and u feel like ur dying, slap urself in the face and say, "i am not weak w/o a guy/girl in my life, i got family and friends hu love me and shall live normally w/o any r/s to control me"
and all u women, hu are independent, throw ut=r hands above me..
haha, mcm pernah dgr je line tu..
wahahaha..
lame sia me..
but it is true, i dun need men to control my life..
acutally i hate being control by men..
i am a very strong independent woman hu dun need men to make me feel secure, safe, comfortable or need to have the urge of haivng someone to keep me company coz i got all those form my very own family and friends..
these ppl love me for hu i am and not they want me to be..
coz if u think u can change me to be someone tt i am not, ur so bloody worng..
i will nvr change for u, just so tt u can have and lead a happy life..
if the changes is for my own good den i will, if not boleh kirim salam sua..
i'll do the opposite of wad u want me to be..
i wun be the fool tt i used to be..
i got a brain of my own and i noe how to use it..
so u got no bloody damn right to tell me wad to do and wad i shud do.
coz i'll nvr listen to u..
okie i think today is my first and officially the longest entry ever..
haha, i can't believe it..
relationship has many and millions defination to many ppl..
but for me, now is just not the right time for me..
relationship is a big committment for me and i need time for it..
as of now, i'll enjoy my singlehood life till it last..
SINGLEHOOD LIFE ROCKS!!



p.s; i still love u k fizah even if i say all tt.. i noe u understand me..

FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN!!

oh my god, i had such a wonerful time with him..

but i must admit tt i am very tired now..

he is so funny man..

it's been awhile since i met him or even spend my time with him..

coz he is always so busy with his problem tt he fgot no time to msg or call me..

but lately he has been msging me and calling me..

it's nice meeting him and a wonderful thing tt we shared..

haiz!!

oh i show u my tattoo tt i got ytd..

hehe, poor zat, bite me just now coz of the tattoo..

wahaha..

isn't it nice..

i really love it..

makes me wanna have a real tattoo but i dun think so it's possible..

not only will my faimly kill me and disowned me, zat too will kill me..

no worries i'll do wad's right for myself..

overall, i had a wonderful time with him eventhough it was tiring and only he will noe y..

hehe..

*peace out*

p.s: last round was the best.. *winks*

i just can't stop

i just can't stop eating..
haha, hu cares right..
i think the food is all goin down to my ass..
it's getting bigger, ppl say so ah..
and my boobs i tink it's also getting bigger..
haha, y am i even discussing this on my blog?
lame sia me..
but today went to wild2 wet with my family..
my daddy's company ade family day..
only me and mamas went for the swim..
oh my god, the weather was superb for a tan..
very hot..
didn't even rain, allhumdulliah..
den i did air spray tattoo at my ankle..
haha, and izat got punk'd..
he acutally believe tt i got a tattoo for real..
boy was he angry when he tot i had myself a tattoo..
like he said,"i sendiri yang main baju tak ade tattoo, i ingat kan u such a nice girl tapi ade tatoo, i am so disappointed in u.. i fucking hae girls with tattoo, dun u ever talk to me again."
wahahahaha..
but i am glad to noe tt he is gonna stop main baju..
dunno wad he's gonna do to get out..
tt idiot acutally called me and make me swear if i really got a tattoo..
den i can't just swear like tt coz it be a very big sin to just swear..
so he was like, "oh my god, dun tell me u play a prank on me.. babi sia u, babi ah, tak baik sey, u totally make me lose my mood to work.. i ingat kan u betul2 buat tattoo, u kat mane skrg, i turon sane gigit u baru tau."
muahahaha *evil laughter*
oh my god, i had a good laugh after all he is always pulling a prank on me so this time i got him back good..
but i really want to meet him tmr..
i really miss him alot man..
okie nvrmx, tmr end skul at 12, i dunno wad i'll be doing after tt..
if not goin out with friends, maybe gi lepak kat sc rm ah..
update u soon if anymore stories occurs..
*peace out*

BLANK

hello!!
i got nth much to blog actually..
my life has been good so far..
but i am goin out tmr with my gf to study..
haha, i dunno if we really are studying..
with them is a bit hard to study..
need to plan wad to wear..
see ya soon..

MEMORY CARD ADAPTER!!

i badly need a memory card adapter..
i can't upload my investiture photo at all coz my lappy can't read my memory card..
shit la..
well today nth much happen..
suppose to stay back and do my accpac but stupid ms tan didn't even tell me wad to do and she wasn't even there at the calss todirest me..
stupid bitch..
i think she starting to see mine, saniah and fizah true colours..
she like treating us diferently than normally the way she treats us..
ahaha..
but hu the hell cares..
can always copy paste the work..
i got back hm abt 1 plus and the first thing i did was to disturb my mum from her sleep..
hehehehehe..
den i ate my lunch, which was instant mee poh dry noodles..
after lunch, went off the bed straight..
wah, it felt like heaven to me..
i selpt from 1.45 till like almost 5..
didn't want to wake up..
the weather was awesome..
oh ya, forgotten to tell u tt izat msg me first..
i got bloody shocked..
i'm not really sure if he really went back hm den go out again to lepak or he realy went back hm and sleep..
oh hu cares right..
he says tt he miss me..
aaawww isn't tt sweet..
my ass ah..
i dun really care tt much any more..
i'm just living my life normally like the way i always have w/o any guilt or wad so ever..
but i do wanna feel the presence of someone special in my life..
it can get kinda lonely sometimes..
when like ur all alone and looking at all the couple being happy and loving towards one another..
it sucks but life still continues..
but i do hope to find the right one..


p.s: dun dare to make me change the way i feel towards u now..

this is wad i wore for my investiture informal part..

haha, make up and hair is all done by kazsim..

credits goes to him coz ppl say i look pretty and sexy with my black stocking..

haha, yes i wore stocking..

sayfiq said tt i look sexy..

like oh my, i'm sexy, oh thank u, thank u..

hehehe..

at last investiture is over..

i got a lot of my investiture photo tt has been uploaded yet coz i dun have memory card adapter..

my stupid lappy can't read my camera memory card reader..

den i will show u guys the 3 greatest shuffler on earth, syafie'e, micheal and fady..

i took photo with them indivually and as a group..

micheal is super cute and nice..

he got six pack and not shy to show it off, syafie'e i noe him since blaze camp but fady his a sweet heart..

even if i talk to micheal more and he always disturbing me, fady is still nicer..

he is the kind of guy hu can maki girls and i dun mind..

coz he dun hide anything..

sat with him after invesititure at the forum, drank all this water..

damn thirsty..

poor thing he sits alone..

micheal was with his gf, pie'e was with his friend so i layan fady la..

nice knowing him..

but i didn't ask for his no..

damn miss out on a good guy..

wahahah..

i hope to get his no from somewhr, maybe from suhaimi..

but need to make sure tt he is single..

ade gf, le kirim salam..

eeeww, i sound like minah, can slap my face..

*piak*

hahah, is this entry very long?

i dun think so la..

i noe others can have even longer entry than mine..

i still think mine is acceptable..

once i find tt memory card adapter, i shall upload the pic and show tot he whole world my pic with the shufflers..

i tell u u is fady, not good looking but cute enuf for me..

wear specs some more and can carry off the belbottom jeans..

i miss hanging out with them..

they are funny bunch of ppl..

oh well, all the best for mine and their future..

shit tmr need to stay back to catch up on my accpac..

FUCKING CB!!

p.s: u make me worry sick for but it nvr once everr paid being nice to u, u ungreatful son of a bitch.. i'm enjoying life without knowing tt i'm not hurting anyone or having restriction.. my life, my rules, my own problem.. and u bloody hell noe tt u can't stop me from doing wadever i want..

INVIESITURE!!

tmr shall be my last official day being project ex-co..
den after tmr i'll be like super free..
i dunno wad i'll be doing after skul everyday..
i mean i used to lepak at sc rm after skul, sit, watch tv, play games, hang out with the sc ppl..
now tt my office term is gonna be over i think i'll be lost..
no more reason for me to skip class..
oh man, just now when a few of us stayed back in skul, i feel like crying..
the things we alk abt, the bond we had, the memories, the fight, the laughter, the tears, the anger, the everything tt we all had go through will be over..
it is so fast tt my office term is over..
i can still rmbr my time..
and untill now i rmbr wad desmond tells me,"ur the only one tt i trurst to take care of project, so promise me tt u will take care of project and bring it to another level"
those words still lingers in my head..
i dunno wad's gonna happen to the 5th batch of sc..
i mean u have to give them time to let them settle..
i can't slp coz i am very scared abt investiture..
afarid tt i'll wake up late..
afarid the show wudn't be a great one..
my heart beats fast knowing tt the time is coming soon..
i think i'll cry like a small girl..
knowing how sweet all my project babies ah..
i love them alot..
they're the one hu males me laugh,cry, angry, stress and even the ones hu make me fell ill..
but i really do hope the new batch can work together..
they're still new and has lots of things to learn..
slowly but surely they can pull through all the difficult times together as one big happy sc family..
but wadever it is, i'm always herefor them if they need my help in anyways..
but dunno if they wud even rmbr me or even come to me and ask for help..
it's getting late and i need to be in skul early..
so i guess i better slp now and get a good nights rest..
all the best for investiture SC!!


p.s: i just got my bloody period and it's hurting me badly, sucks man..wrong timing..

FOOD = LIFE!!

everytime i eat food, i feel so happy yet at the same time guilty..
this is wad i call GUILTY PLEASSURE..
but hu can resist good food..
so before i start going back to gym starting next, i will whacked any food there is i can grab..
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!
i wanna tonn my body up..
wanat to slim down a little, build up a few muscle here and there..
tighten my butt and flatten my tummy and i'll be one hot sexy mama..
wahaha, ya right..
den now currently i just started using coslab cosmetic..
it cost me and my sister $187..
well, we really hope tt it will make my face be more pimple free and oil free..
plus have a flawless skin..
no make up is needed for me to impress guys..
coz i really believe in natural beauty..
and if guys really like me for hu i am, i must thank them..
but if they like me coz i wear make up den i dun think i'm suitable for him..
ala, y can't guys just take girls hu has natural beauty and see the inside not the outside..
must i dress to impress?
i am not like those typical young kids hu must dress to impress and attact attention..
kids this days..
oh well, i will always be myself, coz no point changing for someone else when ur not comfortable being in ur own skin..
this wk is gonna be such a hectic wk..
coz it's investiture wk and i so can't wait till it's over..
once it's over, going back to gym, jog and take care of my face..
once i'm all pretty, i will show it to the world and see hu will come back and beg me to be their gf..
wahahaha..
dlm mimpi ah..



p.s: i dun need u to make me feel whole agaain..