IT IS SO OVER!!

finally i find out the truth on his inention..
his friend actually told me..
he said tt he only likes me as a friend..
coz i'm his "BEST FRIEND" and tt love can't be forced..
hu in the world is forcing u to be in love with me stupid..
the saddess part is tt i dun even feel so sad or upset or feel shity..
coz maybe i have gone through too many rejection and being made used off..
so now i dun even feel nth..
i just feel like myself..
happy, stress just feel me..
and i thank all u guys out there hu has made me into stronger and more independent girl tt i am today..
so now my life is back to normal..
i will continue dating more guys and pick hu is the best among the crowd..
wahahah, jahat eh..
no la i dun use guys a spare tyres like some girls wud..
well till now i'm not gonna find anyone and even if tt someone come and find me,
i wun want myself to land in the same kind of situation as i always did..
which is to be made use off or cheated or being rejected..
oh well, tt's just my very dramatic yet happening life of mine..
dun want to change any part of it even if i cud..
now it's time for let my hair down and PARTY!!
going out to study tmr and for the first time ever trying to understand cash flow..
wahahaha..



p.s: i can't totally stop myself from liking u, but i will slowly yet happily move on and continue with my life.. tt's a promise..

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!!

oh my god, i really ate alot today..
morning when i came to skul and suppose to have a vidoe shoot but last min cancelled..
but thank god there was a lunch time performance..
so while watching the performance, went to cafe 2 bought hotdog and popcorn chicken..
sheik aka taufik has a voice of an angel..
when he sings, it sent cold sweat down my spine..
he's so melodic..
after being mesmerise by his voice, went up to sac, watch main huum na..
first time watch an hindustan movie and enjoy it alot..
it's so funny yet sad at the same time..
den after watching it, went to eat at cafe 2..
ate mee bakso..
it tasted like crap..
mama mask lagi mulia..
wahaha..
saw farhan while eating at cafe 2..
he look so pissed maybe his just tired..
only left with 44 more days to his competition..
tt boy complain tt he doesn't have the confident in himself..
haven't even start the competition and he says all tt..
i understand wad he has to go through coz of my brother..
alot of sacrifies needs to be done..
he packed himself, chicken breast and brocolli..
eeww, tt is like the most disgusting food combo ever..
the chicken is totally plain, no marination..
i look at the food makes me wanna vomit..
coz i see my bro eating it almost everyday..
but brocolli?!?!?!
i wud rather die den eat brocolli or any other veggie..
talkin abt veggie, i had dinner at habbibi seafood restaurant..
oh man, i wacked alot and didn't feel like vomiting..
ate, tom yum soup, kang kong sambal belacan, black pepper beef, ikan bakar and hot plate beancurd..
food tasted like heaven..
so awesome..
actually plan on not eating alot, but the food was to good to be resisited..
i think i shud stop eating alot..
but if it happens once in awhile it's perfectly fine..
coz after 6th nov, i'll be starting to go back to gym.
i wanna work out and have a healthier life w/o sc stressing up my life..
now i only left with skul and my band to stress abt..
the rest i can just relax..
but studies must come first..
ooo, i wonder wad i'm gonna eat tmr??
hmm, suddenly feel hungry but wun eat..
it's late already..
oh ya almost forgotten tt i bought creamy pasta for myself and younger brother..
been wanting to have creamy pasta..
and ytd i ate MAC & CHEESE!!
I LOVE MAC & CHESESE!!
I LOVE ANYTHING CHEESE!!




P.S: he called me first so now i'm gonna stay alittle while longer and see how it goes..
i can't stop myself from falling for you..

RRANDOM THOUGHTS

"tak ingin ku melepaskan mu" is a very strong sentence in my life now..
coz i realsise tt i gave up to many guys in my life for a girl hu likes the same guy as i do..
i mean i'm not trying to be selfish or anything but i have always give in to other girls..
now i am trying not to give in easily..
i will hold on as long as i can till i get wad i want..
but i wun do nasty things to get it..
so i will fight for wad's mine..
but i'm not so sure abt him..
i duno wad's his feelings towards me..
i dunno how much more can i tolerate not knowing anything abt his feelings towards me..
it's sucks not knowing nth..
it makes me feel lost and confused..
i just dun wanna let go w/o knowing the other party's feeling..
y is it so unfair to me when it comes to liking or falling in love with someone..
it always gets so complicated..
bloody annoying..
like i feel there's something different in him now ever since he gets back from bintan..
maybe it's true abt him and tt girl..
but i dun want to think negatively..
coz it makes me feel sick in the stomach and feel like vomiting..
but if i really is true, den i have to just back away..
i can't stop someone from having feelings for the other person..
but i am praying hard tt it is so not true..
coz if it's true, den i'll really be HEARTBROKEN..
den he has broken his promise tt he has made to brahim..
so i will take things slowly dun wanna rush things to make him hate me or wadever..
coz today i went out with fizah to print out the stupid bookmark..
so we went shopping coz i was feeling super stress..
den i bought myself a 3/4 pants..
and i bought for him a cap..
i really didn't noe wad cap or hat to get him..
but when i went o ministry of clothing i saw a cap tt totally screams his name..
so i bought it for him..
i really do hope he appraciate it..
coz it come from the bottom of my heart..
and it's gift of appreciation from me to him for all the wonderful time and memories we had together..
only he noes wad i mean by tt..
hehehe..
i dunno when he gonna meet him so tt i can pass to him his cap..
coz if he wun meet me, i will not pass it to him..
so i am really hoping tt i can just spend one day with him..
i really miss him alot since he left for bintan till now..
but nvrmx must take things slowly..
i will update more random things now..
maybe tmr abt food or clothes or minah or mat or wadever..
something tt will make me laugh abt..


p.s: i miss u too much already..

INVESTITURE REHEARSAL

today i did my high element..
i was scared i can't deny it but i was glad tt i did it fast..
but it just made my ankle worst..
especially the log..
it was so wobbly tt it hurt my ankle..
so it's swollen back again..
suppose to have lunch with bul but he woke up late..
so bloody annoying sia, but wad to do right..
so i met him in skul still and ate lunch at c1..
haha, it was so funny lookng at all the girls reaction when i walk in with him..
they all damn suprised and shocked..
haha, like i got a hot guy walking beside me and u dun..
after eating lunch with him when for rehearsal..
like oh my god..
it was bloody hot inside the auditorium..
no air-con..
stupid management wanna safe money, so no air-con..
was dying inside the audi..
still can play catching with saiful..
den it was so bloody hot tt i got a very bad headache and felt like vomiting..
i dunno wad's wrong with me..
i keep on vomiting every night and having headache every morning..
maybe i'm just bloody tired..
kamsani says i'm getting skinner..
i think he's blind..
hahaha..
next thurs will be a full day for me..
2 video shoots to do plus rehearsal..
argh!!
i seriously damn tired already..
counting down the days till investiture..



p.s: i like u still but u make me wanna give up hope on u..
dear god, pls show me a sign..

SECRETS OUT!!

it's official tt he noes tt i like him alot..

coz thanks to brahim now he noes how i feel..

coz tt idiot let him read all of my msges tt i send to him..

he is such an asshole.

but eventualy he will find out sooner or later right..

well, now i dunnow hows my situation with him..

but i just wanna take it slowly..

but now he's not tt angry with me tt easily..

he treats me nicer and all..

coz brahim told him not to scold me and not to break my heart..

ya the only reason y he wun break my heart is tt nth will happen to the both of us..

it's as simple as tt..

the answer is right infront of me..

it's so obvious..

but he still doesn't noe tt i am gonna meet bul tmr..

aiya, wadevr happens, happens so i must tell him..

well, i dun want our freindship to be wrecked coz of this stuipid, "i am falling for u" thingy..

too much drama in my life already..

maybe my sister is right..

i shud just date guys nth serious..

coz i'm still young and have alot of time ahead of me to find my soul mate..

well, i think i'm taking things one step at a time..

wanna see my progress between me and him goes..

if something does happen i will be the happiest girl on earth, but if nth does, den i leave it all up to fate..

u can't really change ur destiny coz god plans everything for u..

may god gives me the strength to continue with my dramatic life..

i love god..

okie tt's random..

p.s: i still miss him alot..

took pic with my sister at fullerton hotel underpass ytd..

EMPTY!!

his back in s'pore but makes no differences to me..
like his not even msging or calling me..
the only one hu is concern abt me is brahim, afiq and falah..
they the one hu regularly ask me if i'm feeling okie, taken my medicine or ask abt my mum..
they are very sweet ppl..
i am totaly giving up hope on him..
coz like no difference if i out in amm my hopes and dreams on him..
i dun wanna think abt this anymore..
makes me feel so sad and disappointed..
but i am looking forward to meet bul on tues..
goin out on a date with him for dinner..
plus i am riding his bike..
ginna feels his abs and all..
aaaahhhhh..
he is such a hot stuff..
i hope this wud make him jealous..
hehe..
can;t wait o see bul..

YOUR COMING BACK HOME!!

YEAH!!

he is coming back hm tmr..

i really can't wait for him to come back..

i kept my promise of not talkin to brahim on the phone..
brahim wanted to call me last night but i made some

excuses so i wun talk to him..

hehehe..

but tt nabilah bitch is getting on my nerve..

idham da tergiler-giler kan si pompan sial tu..

tak tau ape ilmu dier da kai kat jantan bodoh tu..

eh y am i even talkin abt them..
he's coming back and i shud be happy right not angry..

mcm nak jumpe dier tu kan bskk..
hehe, nak hug and kiss dier..

hehehe..

tak malu nadz..

finally i got janji2 mu song in my mp3 and phone..

can listen to it as many time as i want w/o my sister saying anything..

well, just now went for a kenduri and i wear tudung..

ala ramai org kate i look manis or pretty..
ala mmg da manis pun..
hahaha, tak malu sia..
i already upload the pic to friendster and just wanna see ppl reaction..

hehehe...

p.s: i want him back hm fast..

MISSING HIM ALREADY!!

This is very super annoying..
i am really trying my super best not to fall for him but this kind of feelings can't be helped..
ytd fight big time coz of some misunderstanding and i can't believe i cried abt it..
den thank god when i met him, he was feeling so much better..
i only get a chance to talk to him for like an hr..
i was with falah and him inside sc rm..
den like i can't even have an alone time with him..
i really tak nak fall in love with him coz i noe this is a one way feeling..
i noe he doesn't have any feelings for me..
nth more than just a friend..
i hate myself for falling for him..
i dun want to find myself in the same situation again..
he hasn't called or msg me for like forever i think..
msg him, he doesn't noe how to reply back..
i dunno wad's wrong with his brain of his sometimes..
maybe wad brahim said is true..
he cares for me but just as a freind nth more than tt..
like he is so stuipd, he didn't even take the hints of me wanting to meet him just now..
hang up the stupid phone so fast..
after a very long time, i had one stick for myself..
it felt so good..
but he doesn't noe tt..
bet he wun be bother if i even took it..
fuck la..
i noe he will enjoy himself over there when me here is stuck at hm thinking abt him and worrying for his safety..
well, i hope things turn out for the better..
I AM SO GONNA MISS U ALOT..
MISS U!!
MUACKZ!!

SECRETS OUT!!

oh my god i can't believe tt i actually spilled out my own secrets to saiful..

it's so bloody maluating..

first, he saw the name tt i gave him and i didn't realise tt he saw it..

den nvrmx, he asked me a question den tt's when i spilled out my deepest darkest secret..

so now he's the only idiot hu noes my secret..

it is so unfortunate for me la coz i told him all tt..

but nvrmx, i trust him tt he wun tell him anything..

nvrmx, nth much to blog abt other den my blue black on my calf..

haha, syafiq is in skul today, they gonna have soccer training..

gonna layan him now and wanna see his reaction..

UR SO BUSTARD BITCH!!

i think tonight i wil hvae the greatest sleep ever coz we're so gonna bastard nabilah..

tt stupid bitch actually thought tt izat is really in love with her and is willing to be with her?

like OH DEAR GOOD GOD NO WAY!!

only a fool like her wud use guys as their spare tyres..

i noe how it feels like to be a spare or make use of them..

i realise my mistake and nvr wanna do it again..

will u seriously die if u dun have any guy in ur life to make it more fun and xciting?

like there are so many things tt u can do other chaniging guys like ur ghanging underwear..

so today we're gonna end everything.

and i actually have to type out the msg..

like coz my english is way better than putting the 3 fools together..

but i hope it doesn't sound too complicated..

but it is really damn funny la looking at how our drama progress..

this is really exciting..

coz i didn't put my name in the msg, so i confrim u tt she either gonna call or msg me..

hahah, i so can't wait to hear her reaction..

i just wanna say to her, "HA IN YOUR FACE BITCH!!"

i so can't wait for all this to end..

i think i stop updating for now..

after i noe everyhting, i'll update again so i can tell the whole world on her stupid reaction..

MUAHAHAHAHA!!

lyrics of janji janji mu..

Sejak ku mengenali mu,
Wajah mu selalu dimata ku,
Ku berikan sepenuh hati ku,
Kepada mu oh kekasih ku,
Tapi kau meninggalkan aku...

Kesepian malam ini,
Membuatku teringat kembali,
Memori indah kita bersama,
Tak mudah ku melupakannya,
Untuk selama-lamanya..

***Chorus***
Kau pergi tanpa kata-kata,
Ku fikir hanya untuk seketika,
Rupanya kau meninggalkan ku,
Untuk selamanya...
Tak ingin ku melepaskan mu,
Kerna kau masih dihatiku,
Pulanglah wahai kekasih ku,
Jangan tinggal kan aku..

Sinaran dimata mu,
Dan alunan merdu suara mu,
Ku menantikan semua itu,
Datang kembali kepada ku,
Seperti dulu..

Keresahan dihatiku,
Pabila memikirkan dirimu,
Kembalilah kepada diriku,
Sudi ku menerima mu,
Membina hidup baru...

Repeat ***Chorus***

Dimanakah setiamu,
Dimanakah janjimu,
Kau berjanji sehidup-semati,
Mengapa kini kau mungkiri,
Janji-janji mu kasih....

JANJI JANJI MU!!

i am officially in love with this new song titled, " janji janji mu"
dear good god, if only he is really infront of me, i WILL HUG AND KISS THEM
they are like the hottest shit on earth for me..
but aryl is like FUCKING HOT WITH HIS SEXY AND HEAVENLY VOICE
I just can't stop myself from listening to their song..
i am so in love with both the song and aryl..
if zat noes this, he kill me i'm telling u..
haha, i dun even mind giving it up to him, his voice just melts mt heart out..
wanna noe wad song?
i giVe u the link and die2 must listen to the song..
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Byzf00B_7-w&ytsession=70OBKIGXHt-xPXVXKljofFLaHI8ONlyRqWH62S8vhVRaIY-sMfcjco2gb4-69_baS0ilWKct-CLLtV_3JsdaY1ZY9LDswjleicOqEXwxhY0pwSzEESlthEMusZ7OpCCrjR3InvZBo2MLRUrOja4TQ1CT_9jaNTYaIXuluOC_iRl1Ko3-8OVLogGiPQZbG-WXZ8Gqv2ClNJ6taAcNwpn_3qY0P-fpkUoY2NqrHB5QlpAMQAQ2Sh_Qnxxv2JOjiXvr
may look freakisly long but it's worth it..
i am going to uncorrupt my file and send it to my phone, so tt i everynight i will listen to it..
argh, i can't stop listening to it at youtube..
and i am still trying to find the song at imeem..
i will not rest till i have tt song both in my mp3 and phone..
i have nvr felt so hot in my whole entire life b4 just by listening to a song and looking at them sing..
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!
can i like marry him if i have the choice??
okie i sound like a psycho..
but he send cold sweat down my spine..
ORGASM!!
okie i'm done with them..
haha, i sprained my ankle today at my house carpark..
it was a bloody loud crack..
and tmr i'm gonna jln raya..
i dunno how am i suppose to survive with this ankle for one whole bloody day..
confrim gonna be swalloned like fuck..
but nvrmx.
i really want him to follow me tmr..
coz if he does, den me and him are gonna be wearing black together.
hehe..
i'm just hoping and praying tt he will come and paitao tt STUPID BITCH!!
HAHA, i sound like a bitch myself..
but hu cares, every woman for her man right??
wahahaha..
okie gonna listen to the song till he calls me and gonna continue listening to it till i fall asleep..
I LOVE ARYL!!

MELT DOWN OF MY LIFE..

I am officially at the end of my road..

i am so sick and tired of guys making use of me..

can't they see tt i just wanna have a decent r/s and have a simple life..

i dun ask for riches or wadever..

i just want u to be there for me when i need u too..

is tt too much for me to asked??

it is such a disappointment when the guy u really like is not really bothered abt u..

like u care for them so much, willing to sacrifise a few things here and there but they are nvr appreciative abt it..

den when u asked just a small favour from them, they get so worked up abt it..

AIYA MEN AH, FUCKING ATTITUDE AND ASSHOLE BIG TIME!!

so hard to find a decent man out there..

if there is, it's either their taken or gay..

let's just forget abt all this man situation..

tmr will be damn hectic day..

after lesson at 3, i nee to rush all the way to REDHILL, going to SIA MINDS centre for my video shoot for berwin final yr project..

thank god it's only 2 days and thurs no skul at all..

and i am goin to watch movie with tt swine i think..

dunno la..

so i am at my melt down..

looking at couple real life an on tv is making me feel like so fucked up abt everything..

and i even cried when i noe i am not suppose to at all..

coz it just shows tt i am weak w/o any guys..

but i noe i am a very strong girl hu can and will survive w/o any men..

when i am a very successful woman, become a somebody in the community, tt's when they all start crawling back to me and ask me to take them back..

tt's when i am just gonna say, "HAH IN UR FACE U FUCKER!"

den tt's when they gonna regret treating me like a pieces of shit and will forever be guilty for the rest of their life..

forever now u will hold ur peace, amen to tt..

yea, i'm gonna work next wk baby, at least i have some income coming in..

dun really have to depend on my mum anymore..

but i still need my monthly allowance..

oh i already crop my hari raya photo and i think i look so like an old skul minah from the 60's..

MENSE!!

It's the stupid time of the mth again where we ladies has to go through..
but y guys are so bloodY insensitive towards us..
dun they think tt we have feelings?
it's not tt we purposely want to have mense right?
it's not like as if they go thru it to tell us wad to do or feel right?
BLOODY IDIOTIC MORON!
y can't they just tell us, "u dun worry k, i'm here for u, if u feel the pain, just let it out on me" or "no worries i'll do my best to make things better"
but bloody hell they are just so stupid to not noe all this..
i really hope tt one day the can get thru all this pain we ladies have to go thru..
CB!! FUCKING ATTITUDE!!
am i tt picky?
like wad the hell u got no right to tell me tt i'm picky..
trying having guys hu wants to be with u coz of sex..
those SEX= R/S?
can someone explain to me all this..
honestly i am super sick and tired of my single hood life..
i wud love to go out, hold my bf hands, show him to the crowd..
but tt is so impossible coz there's no one hu swept me off my fucking feet..
most of them are all abt sex or their bloody stupid..
good god, come on..
give me a decent guy to spend the rest of my life with..
but is tt too much to ask for..
i guess in my context it is..
oh man, it's just pure luck for me..
but nvrmx just have to be patient..
i think i off my phone..
i wanna see if anyone got msg me..
if not, den i totally give up in finding someone for myself..
i dunno how long i will be staying single till..
FUCK GUYS!! WE CAN AND CAN'T LIVE W/O THEM..
FUCK!!

BORED!

it's a holiday and i am not even going out and enjoying the last few days of holidays..

this is so bloody boring..

i can actually go out and meet up with him but ene if i can, he can only meet me abt 5 or 6 and i have to go back ard tt time..

stupid idiot..

and the best part is my mum is having and open house.

all my mum noes tt everything ust be ready perfect..

the cleaning and washing must be done by me..

hello, i'm a human being too..

need to rest and mingle with ppl..

and i'll be having band in the morning, i'll be more tired than u are..

u just have to leave all the mess to us, go inside ur room, shower, den go to sleep..

whr me have to work my butt off just to clean everything..

all u oe tt everything ust be clean for u..

but if it's not u will scream ur lungs out, cb!

so bloody unappreciative bitch..

i invite my friends but not so sure if their coming..

but i hope bul will come tmr..

coz if he will than i'll be the most happiest girl on earth..

so now i am doin nth other than bloggong and will be playing some online games later..

my life is such a bore..

haiz!!

-peace out-

MY ANKLE!!

best, today wud be the last day for this week to go out and jln raya..

i am officially damn exhausted..

my ankle is killing me badly..
my collection is seriously not bad at all..

but i wanna keep it in my bank account before i start spending all of it..

me and roslee are getting along very well, but maybe i wanna buy new clothes for his pop..

i'm like shortage of clothes..

so i wanna shop tmr..

and also i need to buy my sister her buy belated b'day gift.. isn't he just adorble?

i dunno wad to buy for her..

but going out tmr at 3 plus..

so late dunno if my mum allows..

but i really need to go shopping, maybe shud ask fizah ah..

hehe..

at last i can upload all my photo from her camera.

gonna put it at freindster and facebook..

TIRED!!

black just means class

my sweet lovely family.. love u guys..

This is only the 4th day of hari raya an i am officially tired..
i can't seem to decide on wad to wear this morning when i wanna go jln raya.

my mum and sis are having such a hard time with me just to convience me to wear wadevert he choose for me..

it's just me from young till now..

nvr change.

if i dun like it, it seems i really dun like it..

i wud sulk and not be happy abt it, till they pick something i like..

hahaha, it's fun actually to see them coaxing me and evrything..

oh ya i have lots of raya pic to upload..

they're just fabulous..

especially my family pic..
tt's only like 3/4 of the ppl there i think..
it's actually alot more..

but due to certain reason this is wad my family is but i still love them to bits..

me the babies among the five..

kak umi, sha2 and me

2nd day..

today is the 2nd day of raya..
but i really enjoyed myself ytd when my mum side came over and celebrate raya at my hse..
damn kecoh and packed..
if u turn to ur right, u face someone faces, u turn to ur left face somebodys butt..
so basically it's super packed but the armosphere was amazing..
i just so love my mum side alot..
my uncle's, aunty's, cuz, niece and nephew..
i dunno wad wud happen to me if they're not ard..
we took alot of pic but my cuz haven't seen me yet..
plus my stupid lap top doesn't read my camera memory stick..
so no pic to upload yet..
today went out with my dad side..
dear god, it's damn boring and hot..
i'm like the black sheep among the whites..
their face make up is bloody damn thick and fake..
so white, it's so fake..
they constantly taking pic of themselves and i'm not even there..
like they didn't invite me or like they pretend tt i'm not there..
but wad the hell..
they have to try so hard just to make themselves look pretty but i dun have to..
i have nautrally beautiful face, so i ya..
okie la some houses tak dapat duit but some hses i receive but the rest tk dapt..
hahah..
on the 24th of oct, my ex is having his POP and he wants me to go..
and the best part is tt he wants me to go wih his mum..
like oh my god, i will die if i were to go with his mum..
he wants to intro me to his mum..
like hell no..
i dunno if i shud go or not..
he has an extra ticket so he invited me..
so now i am stll thinking if i shud go or not..
HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE!!